Last night, I had the distinct opportunity to volunteer at a fundraising event thrown by Conservacion Patogonica at the David Brower Center in Berkeley, California. The event was truly inspiring, as those who attended watched two films, one produced independently by CP’s Founder and President, Kristine Tompkins, and the other by her husband, Doug Tompkins, founder of the Conservation Land Trust. The purpose of last night’s fundraiser was two-fold: to raise funds (obviously) and to create awareness for the more than 2 million acres of land these industry pioneers have worked to protect in Argentina and Chile.  Following the films and a short Q & A session, the attendees returned to the lobby to indulge in deserts and coffee. It was at this exact juncture that I noticed a gentleman sporting an article that has no place whatsoever in an urban setting or on a person aged more than 13 years: The Cargo Pant.  How Done Here, Buddy is the cargo pant? “So Done Here, Buddy,” exclaimed one of my friends. “I can’t believe those things were even started here,” he continued. Sadly, it’s true. Let’s ask ourselves some fundamental questions:

1) How many pockets does a guy actually need? 2) What is the aesthetic value of having zippers dangling all over the place? If pockets needed on a pair of gentleman’s trousers is 4, and, if  the aesthetic value of superfluously dangling zippers is 0, we can use a simple mathematical equation to deduce the the final answer for todays post: 4 pockets + 0 aesthetic value = You’re Done Here, Buddy

I apologize for the not so Ansel Adams(esque) photo quality. But, if you look close enough, you will see something truly horrifying: a pair of cargo pants.

As today is October 14th, I began thinking about  the number 14 and ideas that could relate to this number. After several seconds of deep consternation, I remembered that 14 is the number worn by  Craig Hodges, the three-point assassin who played for the Chicago Bulls in the late 80s and early 90s. To honor Craig Hodges, I present You’re Done Here, Buddy’s newest feature: The Not So Done Here, Buddy.  Take a look and enjoy this truly epic bro production.

Thank you, Craig. Thank you, son. Thank you.

If the HSAS is in fact Orange, why am I allowed in the airport when there is a "significant risk of terrorist attacks?" So Done Here, Buddy.

Have you recently travelled through a major United States airport? You know the ones I’m talking about: Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C. If so, you’ve probably heard that robotic voice that automates the Homeland Security Advisory warning. A recent trip home to a certain city beginning with “C” ending in “O” and in the middle is Hicag, got me thinking how Done Here, Buddy this system is.  Let’s be honest, guys.  Does having this information orated throughout an airport actually make us feel more safe? Give me a break, Washington. 1 out 1 people I consulted contend that the “warning level” is always Orange.  When President Bush left the White House, many of us thought that his Periclean style of governing–creating false realities as a way to control the emotions of the masses, and, therefore, garner their unwavering support –would become an ideology of the past. Yet, the Obama administration has done nothing to overturn this blatant system of manipulation.  While I would never suggest that President Obama is Done Here, Buddy, it’s clear that his stance on and the entire system of Homeland Security  is.

You know what makes me feel extremely nervous?  It’s the prospect of a friend, perhaps in from out of town for the weekend, who asks to borrow your towel to take a shower. As has been previously discussed on this blog, times are tough in our current economic predicament, and basic household essentials, like towels, have become a prized yet limited resource.  Ladies may not suffer from such paranoid hysteria, as your bodies are typically way less hairy and do not require such extensive drying off. Have you ever seen a guy dry himself off after taking a shower? Depending on the body-hair to skin ratio, the process may take up to 15 minutes. I’ve seen it before… and trust me, it can be revolting.  So, guys… if you’re planning on crashing at my pad anytime soon, be sure to bring your own towel. If you don’t, you’ll be a Buddy who is not only Done Here, but also soaking wet.

For those of you that don’t know, the Backstreet Boys are back!!! Decked out in their usual garb and classic facial hair patterns, the new-look BB made an emphatic return to prime time last night when they performed their new hit single “Striaight Through My Heart” on the Tonight Show with Conan O’brien. In honor of their return, I have developed an evaluation system to measure how Done Here, Buddy these jokers are.

1. Raspy, washed up voices: 4 Buddies
2. Horribly choreographed dance moves: 4 Buddies
3. (Backstreet) “Boys” who are clearly bald or balding: 3 Buddies
4. “Boys” over the age of 30: 3 Buddies
5. Buddies who are done here: 4 Buddies

Having received an impressive score of 18/20 Buddies, it is safe to say that the Backstreet Boys are officially Done Here.

Notice AJ’s step through and gaze in the opening sequence. Sophocles couldn’t have written a more tragic narrative. I’m not sure if these guys are back, but they are definitely Done Here, Buddy.

If If I could take two things to a deserted island, it would be this picture and a box of tissues. Photo Credit: GQ, December 2006.

More often than not, my posts are inspired by everyday events and happenings that I see in person. Nevertheless, there are times when public figures, such as celebrities, need to be called out for their doneness. While there are never enough adjectives to describe the infinite doneness of  a credible news source like E! Online, a recent glance at its website provided some pretty significant fuel to a starlet’s already thoroughly blazing fire. Once regarded as the princess of Hollywood for starring in such movies as “The Parent Trap” and “Mean Girls,” Lindsay Lohan, but more specifically her lips and overall physical appearance, have taken a brutal turn for the Done Here, Buddy. It’s no secret that Lohan’s run-ins with alcoholism, excessive partying, wardrobe malfunctions and basic disregard for everything not “Done Here, Buddy” have been well documented by the press. It should come as no surprise, then, that Lohan has become the poster-child for one very epic song lyric: “The Mo’ Money We Come Across, The Mo’ Problems We See.”

Walking the thin line between generic hipster and San Francisco archetype, this guy, with his cut-off brim, is clearly Done Here, Buddy.

The guy sporting the cut-off brim on his cap looks to the ground to answer this fundamental question: Am I Done Here, Buddy? Photo: Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, San Francisco, CA, October 2009.

During the last three weeks of August, I was temporarily employed as a summer camp counselor at Kid’s Outdoor Club in San Francisco. While there are no doubt multiple perks to working at a summer camp–eating PB & Js while the campers aren’t looking, meeting and greeting cute moms during pick-up and drop-off etc.– those that have worked in summer camps know that there is nothing better than stockpiling on left-over Lost & Found items. The item I acquired, and which will serve as the subject for today’s post, is the metallic water bottle. This product represents a more healthy and environmentally sustainable to the conventional Nalgene, argue some environmentalists: http://www.eartheasy.com/article_nalgene_bottles.html

Yet, a recent sip from a KLEEN KANTEEN I acquired from the aforementioned Lost & Found left me pondering how Done Here, Buddy these so called “better options” actually are. Milliseconds after taking my first sip from the newly acquired metal water bottle, I couldn’t help but notice a horrible metallic aftertaste. Unacceptable! I was hoping for the taste of natural H2O, not a science project gone Done Here, Buddy.

The metallic water bottle seconds away from getting canned.