You're Done Here, Buddy

Something needs to be said about the buddy who deposits debris, which clearly resembles fecal matter, in a water fountain. Something needs to be said, my friends, because I witnessed said transgression last week while attempting to quench my thirst at Chicago’s O’hare International Airport. The object, which I promptly deduced to be chewing tobacco, got me thinking which act is more Done Here, Buddy: leaving chewing tobacco or ACTUALLY dropping a deuce in a public water fountain.

After several days of deep analysis, I have concluded that leaving chewing tobacco is far worse. Here’s why. If a person drops fat in a public water fountain, we can surmise that the individual is either a mentally-challenged thrill seeker who doesn’t know any better, or, even, a rebellious  artist protesting air travel. The individual would also need to be commended for their ability to stay hoisted atop the water fountain for the commensurate duration to perform such a bodily function. On the other hand, the individual who leaves the chewing tobacco is making no statement whatsoever, except for the fact that he or she is totally Done Here, Buddy.

I'll let you decide who is more Done Here, Buddy - the transgressor or O'hare Airport's custodial staff.