这张图片和中国一点关系都没有！

Few things in this world are more Done Here, Buddy than the Asian Chicken Salad. The points of discussion on this topic are, no doubt, endless. Yet, I thought it worthwhile to bring the primary issues of concern to the forefront. For starters, the title of this Americanized creation is as culturally ambiguous as its ingredients are indigenous to its “so called” Asian heritage. Take a moment to contemplate the absurdity of generalizing a dish intended to represent the flavors, spices, ingredients and cultures of Asia’s 53 nations. You heard it right the first time, folks: one salad for 53 nations. Further complicating the issue is that the salad is often referred to as the Chinese Chicken Salad. News flash, people: Chinese Chicken Salad is about as Chinese as Gary “the rat” Gaetti. Still not convinced? You’re Done Here, Buddy will offer a reward of five Chinese Chicken Salads to the reader who is able to find one on the menu of an Asian or Chinese restaurant. You’re probably thinking to yourself how improbable such a feat is, as everyone knows that these salads are predominately ordered by female graduates of Big Ten colleges at generic sports bars. Alright, guys. Remember this: don’t make the mistake and order the California Roll of salads.

A recent glance through an undisclosed friend’s Facebook page got me thinking about sushi and why it is always the default meal choice for birthday dinners. Let me preface by saying that I have twice been to Tokyo, am an avid lover of “the sush,” and nothing excites me more  than a fresh landing strip of Uni straight to the facehole.  That said, it seems like every time someone’s birthday rolls around, sushi becomes the go-to dinner of choice. Let’s analyze this from a couple of perspectives: 1) Sushi, while amazingly buttery and always spot-hitting, isn’t necessarily the best eating style for large groups. As much as I love my girlfriend’s best friend, do I really want to drop 50 bones so that all I get is a meager piece of a California Roll? 2) Let’s think about all the other amazing options that are out there: Chinese food, bowling, having a house party where you get black-out drunk and make a pass at one of your best friends. Now, that’s a party.

All I’m saying, guys, is that we can do better. Let’s start to think out of the Bento Box on this one.  The Gods of Edo have spoken and their claim is pure and true: the sushi birthday dinner is Done Here, Buddy.